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According to Psychology Today, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.” Making your relationship(s) Magical requires Emotional Intelligence as a foundation.
Anger Management is about managing your emotions; keeping yourself calm and focused in trying and stressful circumstances.
Also mentioned in Psychology Today, John D. Meyer (PhD) and Peter Salovey (Provost of Yale University) claim to be responsible for introducing Emotional Intelligence in two articles published in 1990. Meyer and Salovey use the following words to define Emotional Intelligence (EI) very clearly.
“Emotional intelligence, as we described it, is the capacity to reason about emotions and emotional information, and of emotions to enhance thought. People with high EI, we believed, could solve a variety of emotion-related problems accurately and quickly. High EI people, for example, can accurately perceive emotions in faces (reading Physiognomy). Such individuals also know how to use emotional episodes in their lives to promote specific types of thinking. They know, for example, that sadness promotes analytical thought and so they may prefer to analyze things when they are in a sad mood (given the choice). High EI people also understand the meanings that emotions convey: They know that angry people can be dangerous, that happiness means that someone wants to join with others, and that some sad people may prefer to be alone. High EI people also know how to manage their own and others’ emotions. They understand that, when happy, a person will be more likely to accept an invitation to a social gathering than when sad or afraid.”
After proving EI exists, Meyer researched and proffered that while EI cannot be proved to be a better predictor of success than the Intelligence Quotient, it is still very important. For the purposes of this program, EI is essential for achieving a high degree of success in making relationships better. At CeI, we proffer that EI provides a good foundation for making relationships more Magical.
To make relationships “Magical” you need to manage both your emotions and the emotions of the person with whom you want a “Magical” relationship. In the words of Norman Rosenthal (also from an article in Psychology Today):
“Recognizing emotional intelligence in oneself can help you regulate and manage your emotions, while recognizing emotions in others can lead to empathy and success in your relationships, both personal and professional.”
At Cannon EInstitute we have discovered that EI can go much further than empathy; it can lead to close friendships, loyal customers and advocates and to that ever-elusive treasure called “Love”.
Norman proffered some very interesting suggestions on enhancing your EI. Remembering that Cannon EInstitute is a Research Organization, we would like you to participate in a little experiment. Let us test what Norman Meyer proffered by including the following as “tools” in your “Making Your Relationship(s) Magical Tool Kit”. Let’s use each of these tools over then next two weeks and record how they affected our emotional intelligence.
- Keep Focused – Don’t interrupt or change the subject. If feelings are uncomfortable, we may want to avoid them by interrupting or distracting ourselves. Sit down at least twice a day and ask, “How am I feeling?” It may take a little time for the feelings to arise. Allow yourself that small space of time, uninterrupted.
- Be an Unbiased Researcher – Don’t judge or edit your feelings too quickly. Try not to dismiss your feelings before you have a chance to think them through. Healthy emotions often rise and fall in a wave, rising, peaking, and fading naturally. Your aim should be not to cut off the wave before it peaks.
- Think Back – See if you can find connections between your feelings and other times you have felt the same way. When an uncomfortable feeling arises, ask yourself, “When have I felt this feeling before?” Doing this may help you to realize if your current emotional state is reflective of the current situation, of another time in your past, or about a subject that is not related to your conscious concerns.
- Analyze – Connect each of your feelings with your thoughts.When you feel something that strikes you as out of the ordinary, ask, “What do I think and feel about the inordinate circumstance?” Often, one of our feelings will contradict others. That’s normal. Listening to your feelings is like listening to all the witnesses in a court case. Only by admitting all the evidence will you be able to reach the best verdict.
- Listen to your body.A knot in your stomach while driving to work may be a clue that your job is a source of stress. A flutter of the heart when you pick up a girl you have just started to date may be a clue that this could be “the real thing.” Listening to these sensations, and the underlying feelings that the sensations signal, will allow you to process more with your powers of reason and less with emotional reflex.
- Involve Observers – If you don’t know how you’re feeling, ask someone else.People seldom realize that others are able to judge how they are feeling. Ask someone who knows you (and whom you trust) how you are projecting. You may find the answer both surprising and informative.
- Tune in to your unconsciousHow can you become more aware of your unconscious feelings? Try free association. While in a relaxed state, allow your thoughts to roam freely and observe where those thoughts wonder.
- Analyze your dreams. Keep a notebook and pen at the side of your bed and jot down your dreams as soon as you wake up. Pay special attention to dreams that repeat or are charged with powerful emotion.
- Ask yourself: How do I feel today?Start by rating your overall sense of well-being on a scale of 0 and 100 and write the scores down in a daily log book. If your feelings seem extreme at any time, reflect upon conditions, ideas, associations, and circumstances that may be connected with the feeling. Remember, you are enhancing your EI. Self-awareness of your “triggers” is where you start.
- Write thoughts and feelings down.Research has shown that writing down your thoughts and feelings can help profoundly. A simple exercise like this could take only a few hours per week.
- Know when enough is enough.There comes a time to stop looking inward; learn when it is time to shift your focus outward. Studies have shown that encouraging people to dwell upon negative feelings can amplify these feelings. Emotional intelligence involves not only the ability to look within, but also to be present in the world around you.
Click here to download the Emotional Intelligence Enhancement Application Diary Report Forms – Open a form, save it as Issue 1 and the next as Issue 2, etc. Complete form each day for the next 10 days, saving each form upon completion. Send the forms to EMP-B-2020@CannonEInstitute.com
Stay Tuned for Session 2 – Passion – Part 3